Monday, August 26, 2013

Battling the meh's

I've completed derby blasphemy the last few weeks and from what I hear from others it's quite common in derby. Real life issues have mentally drained me the last few weeks that I haven't felt anything for derby. I know I should stop swearing but it's true. I lost all motivation for derby and my attendance became erratic. I was feeling flat in general and it spread to derby which took me by surprise because there was so much to look forward to derby wise in the coming months. I got told on Saturday night that I had been cleared by the relevant committee folk to resume scrimmage so I thought that it might help snap me out of the funk I was in.

I had a chat with Cherry before training to explain my recent poor attendance and she was a great help. I felt better and more focussed after the chat. Stunt Muffin, now merby extraordinaire came back to have a training session with us which was awesome because I miss training with him. Not only that I was going to get to scrimmage again!

First drill for the night we had to partner up. The purpose of the drill was one would get blocked and fall even if they weren't hit hard enough to fall because it was all about jammer recovery rate and then we'd swap, the jammer would become the blocker and repeat. Simple enough. I partnered up with Cherry which was cool because I know she'd challenge me (ie: kick my arse) and I wouldn't have to hold back on her. It was going alright, it was her turn to block me again and honestly it wasn't even a hard block, she smashed me harder with a few of her earlier attempts but I found myself heading straight for a goal post from the indoor soccer goal that I had visions of having this happen to me

so I ended up getting caught in two minds as I was going down so instead of going into a double knee fall I landed on the inside of my knees almost frog like. I was doubling over not just in pain but I just *knew* the second the pain ripped through my right knee that I just re-damaged it all over again. Janine and Kaley were the first aid officers and they did their best to help me which was nice of them. I eventually got up off the floor and hobbled to the bench to elevate and ice my knee.

I was sitting on the sidelines with my hoodie on absolutely shattered with what just happened especially since I worked so bloody hard to get back on skates and back to scrimmaging after the last knee injury kept me sidelined for months. I had a few team mates come up and ask me how I was doing and I remember telling them I couldn't do this anymore and that I felt like quitting, I was feeling completely dejected. I couldn't take sitting there anymore so I started hobbling to the car. I was looking at my helmet while I was leaving the venue and questioned myself whether I'd ever bout for HARD and if I'd ever bout against the Dames and Smashleys.

About half way home I had that light bulb moment when I realised I was looking at this situation the wrong way. Yeah I was understandably disappointed that I was looking at another lengthy injury lay off but the truth is that I've lived through something that no one should have to go through and I've started coming through the other side with that, derby and its setbacks pale in comparison. If my other situation has taught me anything it's that I'm a survivor and fighter, it's probably played a huge part in why I haven't quit derby in the past. There was to be no quitting, I already shown that I could come back from a lengthy knee injury and get back to up to scrimmaging so I could do it again with the right rehab work and mentality.

I can't control what happened but I control how I go forward from here. I've booked in a session with my physio on Thursday to see how bad the damage is. I don't think I've broken anything but I'm pretty certain my MCL is screwed again. I couldn't bend my knee at all this morning but as I hobbled to my car this afternoon I was starting bending it ever so slightly before the pain stopped me from bending it any further. No idea if my derby season is over for the year, watch this space.

Danger said it best when she told me a while back 'Stupid knees can go eat a dick!' Never were truer words spoken!

No comments:

Post a Comment