Dear Diary...

I've got a confession to make - I fucked up. I figured over a month ago that I didn't need this blog so I dropped it but since then I came to the realisation that this blog provided a great outlet for me whether it was good or bad news. Since I stopped the blog I could feel the anger and frustration from derby build up. I figure bringing this blog back is better than putting holes in the wall.There's no rules this time around, this blog will be whatever it needs to be.

There's a few things that have been bouncing around in my head that I need to get out before my head explodes. I'm sorry but the rest of this post may get messy and all over the shop with no real structure. It feels as though I'm forever battling myself, and it's frigging tiring. Whenever I have a setback with derby there's a part of me that will have a whinge but keep going but there's always that other part of me that thinks I should pack it in and quit since I'm only getting injured and not getting anywhere fast. Derby is the first thing in MANY years that I've not quit when I've had a setback. In fact, it's the one thing that's given me the most setbacks that I'm surprised I haven't quit, I'll get around to why I think I haven't pulled the plug.

Most people have probably heard the term 'roller derby saved my soul'. I don't know if it did mine but it certainly helped get my life back on track. The issue in question isn't important but the longer I'm involved with derby, the more the 'old' me comes back. I'm nowhere near as shy as I used to be and there's more fight in me. I know when some people take up derby they create a persona that could be completely different to how they are in real life. That was never my case, in fact I'd never create a fan page for myself on Facebook (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with those that do) to separate derby and real life because it's one and the same for me. The only difference is just like when it comes to Liverpool, derby allows me to show my passion for the sport, so I'm a LOT more vocal and a lot less mellow haha. Maybe it's a good thing that I do bout reviews because I'm too busy scribbling down notes to let loose with the cheering and yelling :D

I admit I'm extremely hard on myself. If we had a swear jar at training and I had to pay for every swear word I say at training when I fuck something up or get frustrated I reckon our league could buy a factory outright and convert it to a derby venue. Especially the last few weeks when I've either struggled to keep up with the pack or can't do the drills properly, it's like why the hell is everyone else getting it but me? The other one is getting injured and having to watch from the sidelines. This isn't a woe is me, I'm after some sympathy paragraph. It's frustrating as fuck not being able to keep up with the rest of my team mates. I swear on all my Liverpool possessions that I'm not the slightest bit jealous, in fact I'm so bloody proud of them and what they're able to do on the track. I just hate the fact that I'm holding them back during drills or endurance because I can't keep up with them.

Which leads me to bouting. If/when that day ever comes I don't know how much fun I'd have, let me explain. I'm extremely competitive, I have been all my life. I'd get the shit's if I lost a game of uno. I was always like that with soccer, unless we were hammering the opposition I'd be fully focussed on the game and of course take it personally if I fucked up but I'd never take it out on my team mates, I'd actually be the one to pick them up. I reckon I'd be the same with derby.

I have this constant fear lurking over me that I'm not going to make it in derby. People seem to like my bout write up's I do for Roller Derby AU but I'm selfish I don't want that to be the only thing I do with derby. I want to be good enough to bout with HARD. There's days where it feels like it's no closer to happening.

I don't politics or play games so I'd never put my hand up for any Board member roles when it comes to voting at the AGM. I'd help out any other way I could whether it's doing write up's, NSOing, working on strategies I think I'd be of more help in those areas. Speaking of tactics/strategies I've discovered since I started doing those that I've been able to pick up patterns certain players/combos of players use, especially NRDL since I've covered a shitload of their bouts already.

In regards to NRDL I don't deny they became my favourite league before I even put on a pair of quad skates. When I joined HARD, Newy then became my equal fav. What the? I don't even play for NRDL, what gives? When it comes to teams I'm extremely loyal it's why I've been a Liverpool supporter for over 22 years. When I pick a team, I stick with them and Newy is no different. When the day comes that HARD bout against NRDL, I'll be hoping for a HARD win but no doubt the bout will hold extra significance for me and I won't apologise for that. 

I think that's about it for now.

- Sylv

What's this, a post?

Excuse me while I just wipe the cobwebs away from this blog. Yeah I know I said I wasn't continuing with the weekly blog and I don't think it has been missed by anyone but I think yesterday's events warranted a one off post.

So what was so special about yesterday? Well the ERRD all stars trained at our training venue before our training session. They're bouting against the SRDL Assassins on the 12th May. I really wanted to go to the bout but I've got my cousin's engagement party on that night and family always comes first no matter how much I love derby.

I went to training 2 hours earlier to go and watch the ERRD guys train and this time I was going as a fan of the sport. No pen and paper, no write up's (and now I've just contradicted myself with this post). I was looking forward to watching them scrimmage because it's been a while since I've been able to just watch scrimmage/bouts and be a fan cheering from the sidelines. My jaw was stuck to the floor with each skater walking through the door with skaters like Jilla, Danger, White Hawk, Manic Bullet, iKandy, Janis and the list goes on. There was Lola, Fifi, Dobie and Punky representing HARD.

I must admit I was ohh so tempted to put my gear on and hope that no one noticed I wasn't supposed to be there. The reality is though if I did do it I would have been absolutely annihilated and that's just in the warm up. I'm not going to let any secrets out in terms of what they did at training but I went from fan to eager student when they started training. They covered things I've never done at training so I managed to pick up a few new things that I'd love to try one day. It was such a great learning experience listening to these really experienced skaters.

Sharni joined me watching them train and we were both in stitches with Jilla and the stuff she comes out with. I felt for poor Dobie during one of their drills, Danger got her with a good hit coming around the bend that she caught some wicked air and landed hard on her arse. I was so impressed with Dobie she bouted in the CCRG bout the night before, trained with the ERRD guys and then did our normal Sunday training. What a machine! I've seen WIRD's Manic Bullet bout a couple of times now and I'm still amazed at how low she gets when she jams. She gets so low that she could literally kiss the floor if she wanted to while she was skating. It's amazing to watch.

I was getting ready to watch them scrimmage when one of the ref's asks Sharni and I to NSO. I must have jam timer tattooed on my forehead. I go it during our scrimmage because I'm not scrimmaging yet but this was one time when I wanted to just watch and not pay attention to timing the jams because there was a chance the jams would go for 5 minutes instead of 2 because I'd be too busy watching. I did the NSO duties and I didn't even screw up... I surprised myself. The scrimmage was frigging awesome to watch. I'll be cheering for the All Stars while I'm at the engagement party.

I figured I'd fulfil a fangirl wish of mine, both Jilla and Cherry at the same venue as me I sensed a photo op! The ERRD guys were getting ready to leave just as we started doing endurance so I quickly left the track and hijacked Cherry who was training the freshies. After a few technical difficulties (the bloody camera wouldn't work) I eventually got a snap with both of them. I was happy as larry even though my jaw was sore from the massive grin I pulled hehe. There was no tears or marriage proposals like those crazy teenage girls over One Direction. I've just got massive respect for both of them as skaters and what they do on and off the track when it comes to derby.

 

I had the piss taken out of me by a few people (not that I cared) but how many people can say they've had their pic taken with their favourite skater? I was lucky enough to get it taken with both of them so :P haha I've got the pic out of the way, I would love nothing more than to come up with or against the both of them on the derby track one day and have a beer with them afterwards.

Until I started watching more NRDL bouts last year all I really knew was Jilla but the more of their bouts I watched the more amazing skaters I discovered. One of those skaters was DangeRass so I figured I ask her a photo too with Jilla doing her monster impersonation!

So all in all it was a brilliant start to the arvo. It got better because Santina and Danger Blond were back training with us. Santina and I had a laugh during the pushing drill we were doing but then it all went to crap. With each passing drill nothing was going right for me. I was struggling with each drill, I had Apple, Cheya and Cherry drag my arse around the track for the various drills. It felt like I was doing all this stuff for the first time. The longer it went on the worse it got and the more frustrated I got so of course the self doubting thoughts kicked around in my head, fuck it I'm not quitting. I've just lost my derby mojo, I just need to work hard at getting it back again. Earlier this year I really started to improve after last year's injury affected year so I know I can do it. It's more mental than anything.

So that's about it. Aren't you glad you don't have to put my whinghing on a weekly basis anymore :)