Living the dream

A lot of derby awesomeness happened in the space of 48 hours that it has left me buzzing on happiness and adrenaline that I'm unable to sleep :) The anticipation was building up throughout the week. There was so much to look forward to. I was finally having my first lot of training sessions for the year. Not only was I training with my own league but I was getting to train with Newy too!

As I was getting geared up for my first training session of the year I was doing some thinking. I was heading into my third year of derby involvement and coming off another year of almost constant injury setbacks. Sure it's easy to say the obligatory 'this year will be different' only to have history repeat itself and nothing really changes. Yes, I was coming off another injury, not as serious as some of my previous ones but something did genuinely feel different about this time. I've done a lot of work away from the track with the physio and also trying to get my head right because I know a lot of my injuries have been mentally based where I've been so scared about getting injured again that the tension and holding back has led to yet another injury.

Another major obstacle I've attempted to address is my self controlling issues. Over the years I've held myself back and not really let loose with most things, derby included. While I've thought I've put everything I could have put into derby, truth is I probably haven't. I know I've let fear take over so many times in the past that there's probably more things I could be capable of instead of constantly telling myself I can't do something because I didn't back myself enough. This year I still intend to work as hard as possible and also push myself out of my comfort zone a lot more. Sure there's a chance I'll probably be stacking it a lot more than I have previously but I'll know it's because I haven't held back and put everything I can into what I'm doing. I'll just get back on my skates and carry on.

Agility work was the name of the game for Friday's training session. Something that I've really struggled with in the past. I move like I've got concrete shoes on. There was some hair raising moments trying to basically do a ballerina turn round a wall to try and get past them and then sprint away from the wall which leads us to another area I've sucked with in the past - jamming. I gave it all a crack and while my turning speed was as fast as a turtle I did it. Life isn't a Hollywood movie so just because I found this new way of thinking and approaching training more positively it didn't automatically mean that I would be amazing at all these skills like magic. Nope the answer is good ol' fashioned hard work and extra practise in my own time to try and make this come more naturally to me.

During the drills I quickly noticed how much my team mates like Shorely Tremble and Butter Scream have improved. For the life of me I could not get past them when I played jammer. I was made up for them, it's always nice to see your team mates improve it forces you to lift your own game up. Try as I might I could not get past the walls when I jammed but I was having so much fun in the process trying whatever I could do to get through or around them. When I got to block in one drill I was slow off the mark so I was playing catch up against Apple who was jamming, she was almost past Shorely but in a moved ripped from my soccer playing days I came through with cover defense and forced Apple off the field which left me grinning like an idiot :) I was knackered by the end of the night but I was happy with the fact that I'm starting to get lower when I block. It's something I've tried to work on.  

Just before I left the house to travel up to Newcastle for Sunday's training session a message got posted on HARD's group page about a benchie assistant position becoming available for our travel team and they were looking for expressions of interest. It certainly caught my attention and right away I was questioning myself whether I could really do it if I got the position? It was something that required serious thinking because while it would be a massive honour to help bench the Camokazis it's also a massive responsibility, not something to be taken lightly. It certainly appeals to the part of me that loves all the strategy side of the game, the chance to improve my own knowledge of the game and trying to keep everyone cool as a cucumber when tensions and adrenaline are running high during a bout. I'm waiting to hear back from our head benchie Poz on some of my questions before I decide whether to throw my name into the hat to be considered for the role. I was touched that some of my team mates suggested I put my name forward for the role and that they had the confidence in me to think I could do this.

Driving up to Newy my mood ranged from excited, to feeling sick with nerves, to feeling ridiculously excited that I probably should have illegally obtained valium from somewhere to calm the fuck down ;) My training has been so stop/start these last few years from injuries that when I have tried blocking I've formed bad habits and techniques that I really wanted to correct. The chance to train with Newy came at a great timeand while I thought I'd get one training session Jilla surprised me and said I could join in on two training sessions. I might not be a member of NRDL but they've treated me like one more than once when really they don't have to. Whether it's getting to train with them on more than one occassion now or all their extra help when I've gone up for social skates, I'll forever be greatful to them. I was there to train and learn as much as I could but I won't lie I was doing cartwheels inside the whole time I was there :) I was also hoping to last longer than the first time I trained with them last year. Bonus points I got to speak to Brig briefly but I didn't get to come up against her on the track.

Jilla was introducing us to latitude, booty/hip check, and positional blocking. All my blocking deficiencies quickly made their appearances like not being able to turn sharply, getting so caught up in the block that I start blocking with my head, not getting my foot in front, the occassional elbow and forearms or I get so caught up in the moment that I keep blocking someone once both of us are over the sideline. Yeah not much to work on at all haha. One thing I do have going for me is that when I'm getting blocked I counteract the hell out of it so that I'm not as easy to push out of the way as when I first started taking contact.

For the latitude blocking I was partnered up with Mindy and we were about the same height which proved to be a good challenge. Like me, she was having trouble getting her foot in and even when she did she was having trouble pushing me out. Jilla who was watching everyone practise stepped in to show Mindy about getting her foot in front by blocking me. I know you're all thinking I must have gone all fangirly because Jilla was going to block me. I won't lie I grinned like an idiot for a couple of seconds but then got down as low as I could in the derby stance ready to give as good as I got. It was a nice solid block from Jilla like a brick wall on wheels but I stayed on my feet. She came at me again, our wheels clipped, I stayed on my feet but she fell but that really doesn't count as me knocking her down on the track :)

I was learning a lot, I realised I had the wrong definition when it came to positional blocking so learning proper positional blocking was new to me, things like changing my approach when I do latitude blocking because of how the tripping penalties get called now. We had a laugh when funny stuff happened but everyone was so focussed when it was time to train that I was getting more out of the training session because there was no time wasting. I loved that. When we were partnering up for hip check/booty blocking I saw Danger by herself and joined her. I could have gone for an 'easier' option but I really wanted to test myself and it's not every day you get to train with a Dockyard Dame. Danger had her game face on and by the end of it both of my sides were really tender. Danger's a tough cookie, I loved coming up against her, she made me work my arse off.


The training session ended with a couple of games of blood and thunder or queen of the rink as my guys call it. In the past I've shitted myself when I've played. Now I love it, having to be on constant alert not just by skaters coming from behind to try and take you out but the skaters lying all over the track who have been taken out of the game. I tried blocking a few people, some tried blocking me none of took the other out so we kept skating. Danger was lining me up ready to take me out on the outside line. I got down as low as i could to try and counteract her. We smashed into each other, Danger fell, I straddled the outside line then tried to balance on one skate so that I would stay inside the track and kept skating. I was completely shocked that Danger fell. I'm not known for taking down skaters, I'm more the push them out the way kinda blocker. I couldn't tell you how I did it, it was probably dumb luck more than anything. Danger got hurt which I felt bad about but she pulled up ok afterwards. Seriously I'm a guest of their league and I'm breaking their skaters, a great way to get yourself welcomed back in the future...not. Bermuda had her eyes on me and she was lining me up but I saw Glitter coming behind on my left side with eyes for Bermuda. So I played smartly and stepped out of the way at the second so that Bermuda who got completely blindsided got absolutely nailed by Glitter and starfished to the floor. Time ran out and I was one of the last four still standing on the track. I've never lasted until the end before, woohoo!

Before I got too excited the second round started. I thought I'd be a kamokazi and try and take on Jilla even though it would guarantee certain stacking on my part. I was trying to search her out only to realise she was already taken out as I got closer to her. Since I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings I didn't notice Cass until it was too late, she came around on my inside, I got down too late so she was forcing me off the track. Don't let Cass' height deceive you although I couldn't get low enough to move her she's not easy to move, she's pretty sturdy. Try as I might I couldn't shift her and I then found myself trying to avoid Jilla who sitting down on the floor. I got caught in two minds that it didn't take much for Cass to force me off the track and me narrowly avoiding Jilla. It was great fun!


Earlier in the week I asked Jilla if she could backwards block me after training. What the hell was I thinking, this is the same Jilla who was left destruction in her wake with this block refer to exhibit's A and B (thanks to the wonderful Nav Man for letting me use his pics)

So why would I risk broken bones for something so crazy? The answer is simple. I've spent the last few year's sitting on the sidelines nursing one injury after another that I've hardly ever participated. I really didn't care if I ended up like Bacardi Bruiser in the pic above I just wanted to have a crack. Some of my team mates thought I get so caught up in the fact that it was Jilla and go all shy but I knew I wouldn't. When I step over that line my competitive side that I've had since I started playing sports as a kid comes out. I don't get intimidated by Cherry at training in fact I somehow found some extra grit from somewhere and give her everything I've got so I knew it would be the same with Jilla and the same would go for Brig if I ever come up against her. Cass told me not to look into Jilla's eyes when she backwards blocks me. I've seen people intimidated by Jilla in bouts whereas I'm weird and thrive on the challenge and don't get scared or intimidated by her even though I've got the upmost respect for her. I had a few cracks at Jilla and I made virtually no impact against her. I got my positioning all wrong and blocked with my head tsk tsk. I realised how much effort is required to counteract a backwards block and how quickly it can tire you out. Jilla gave me some tips and picked up a few things myself but I managed to stay on my feet the whole time so I classify that as a small win hehe

I know this training arrangement of training with both HARD and NRDL is only a temporary arrangement and it ends this week but I really am living the dream. I can't wait to go and give it all, learn more and surprise myself in the process again this week.

Just ace

I was back on skates on Sunday night! Although I was on probation by my physio to take it easy and test out the strained medial ligament in my right knee, I was just so happy to be back on skates with my team mates. I put my knee through it paces with transitions, weaving, carving etc and it responded PAIN FREE!

I even joined the awesome Team Zebra who were timing themselves on how quick they could skate 10 laps of the track. I scored 2:19 which I was really pleased with considering it was my first training session of the year and I had a bung knee. Even better I got some compliments from the herd about how my form has improved by how I was getting down nice and low in the derby stance :)

Either side of my first training session I went to the physio about getting my injured knee fixed. It had slowly improved the last few weeks before I got to the physio that I was able to move my knee quite freely but all it took was her to poke the injured area and I was down on my knee's. It was the medial ligament in my knee again. While my knee was getting poked and zapped by the physio I would take the time to picture myself bossing it on the derby track fulfilling my potential. It's funny the things you do for love and what you'll put your body through. I suppose you need to be a little crazy to begin with to partake in this sport :)

On a sidenote I'm also seeing more benefits of what boxing brings to derby for me. Although I may have accidently given my boxing partner a black eye already (and I don't intend to bring that over to derby), I've been amazed with the confidence I've gained over the last few weeks. I've struggled with the footwork and technique side of it but I keep working on it and turning up to the classes that I've finally begun to notice the improvements. It's reward for not giving up and I can't wait to experience that same feeling when I step out for my first derby bout. I've had quite a bit of hesitancy of getting stuck into sports sometimes from fear of getting myself knocked out. It's a fear I've had to face with boxing. I've had to fend off hits to the face and I'm still standing up with no concussion. It made more sense to me last night at derby training when I copped an accidental forearm to my jaw when my team mate tried to carve me. Sure it wasn't hard but I didn't freak out when the contact came. I'm not saying I'm going to go into every scrimmage session trying to get my jaw broken but I've seen how sometimes the slighest bit of hesitation or delay on the track can make the difference between winning or losing. It's time for me to 'toughen up princess' and start using what I've got to my advantage.

While I may have been on the sidelines again, time certainly didn't stand still in the derby world. It has been great reading about my derby friend's achievements on and off track fitness wise smashing their personal records and becoming better skaters. It's helped me a lot with the non skating exercise I'm doing at the gym especially when I start to feel tired and want to quit the gym session. I think to myself 'there's a derby skater out there working their arse off. If I stop now, they're going to nail my arse to the floor on the derby track' and you know what I've never quitted a gym session early since I started thinking like that :)

The good news doesn't stop, I've got the opportunity of a derby lifetime. I'm travelling up the F3 the next two Sunday's to join in on some NRDL training sessions. Jilla is teaching the tenderiser's (which is about my level) blocking 101. I've mentioned before that my blocking technique is rubbish and it's something that I've wanted to work on especially as I'll be scrimmaging this year. Cherry's done a lot to help me out with blocking and now I get the chance to also learn from another skater who is one of the best in the business like Cherry. It's been well documentated that NRDL have the 'Newcastle effect' on me and that training session last year and all those social skates have played a big part along with my own league in getting me where I am today with derby. I'm looking forward to making the most of these two sessions and no matter how many times I'll get pummelled to the ground over those two Sunday's I doubt you'll be able to wipe the smile off of my face :)

No matter how good or bad this year goes for me on the derby track I want to make it my year and just go for it. Why can't it be Friday night already!!!

Sucker punch

Finally!!!! Derby training starts up for our league this Friday night but instead of joining my team mates on the track I'll be on the physio's table that night trying to get my knee back in some sort of working order. (Derby) love hurts. I'll be the first to admit I'm a pain in the arse when I'm injured. I'll have my whinge first and then move on and try and deal with it. Maybe next time someone can save me some time and just bitch slap me out of it :P

All hope is not lost. My trainer Suzie has modified my training schedule so even though I can't skate, do much leg related exercise or *sob* run I'm still exercising so that I don't fall too far behind with my fitness while I'm off skates.

I might not be able to skate right now but I can still do boxing (which believe it or not benefits derby). The duck and weaving and emphasis on quick footwork is only going to help me in derby. I've known from the beginning that I'm not blessed with natural skill in either sport so it means I have to work twice as hard just to be ok. What I lack for in natural ability I'm trying to make up for with technique and heart. I've put a heavier focus on trying to improve my technique so that when I step onto the derby track I won't be a doormat which brings me to my next point.

I know I've mentioned this last year but alas I still didn't deal with the issue in all that time. I'm a soft arse when it comes to sport and life in general. I don't like to knowingly hurt people, so why the hell am I doing derby and boxing I hear you say? Good question. Without ego I think given the size of me and the right technique I could probably cause some damage on the derby track. Instead over the year's I've developed a sort of victim mentality, I've held back in sport so that I don't hurt anyone and I've been guilty of cotton balling myself in fear of another injury. The thing is when I start scrimmaging no one is going to hold back, they're going to want to put me on my arse or get me out of the way. If I continue with the approach I've taken up to now I'll be useless to my team mates that they'll effectively be playing one skater short. It's the same with boxing, for week's my brother in law has constantly been telling me to hit him harder and to aim for his head instead of deliberately avoiding punching him in the head. Yesterday I was doing a lot of thinking during the day about the being nice and passive attitude I have that it was actually hurting me in the long run because I was stunting my own development by holding back. Halfway through my boxing class something snapped in my head and I was doing the drills with full strength punches. It got my brother in laws attention as he was forced to try and block all the punches coming to his head :) I know this is going to sound crazy but suddenly it felt as though that invisible barrier of control was gone. It felt freeing somehow and both my technique and speed improved too. Now to see whether this will translate onto the derby track.   

Coming from a football (soccer) supporting background I'm used to seeing players swap shirts after a match and supporters decked in their team's kit, lots of them with their favourite players name and number on the back of their jerseys. Ever since I joined the world of dar-bee I've wondered why league's don't try a similar merchandising approach. As long as people pre-paid for the customised shirts and are aware that they're non-returnable unless they're faulty it would cover the league's so that they're not stuck with a lot of customised shirts, the fans will be happy and I'm sure the skaters would probably get a kick out of seeing people supporting them.

To end on a happy note this goes out to my friend Cass (Apocalypse Pwnie) from NRDL. She's scrimmaging with the big kids up there :D From the moment she messaged me out of the blue one day last year we've clicked. We've progressed up the derby ranks at the same pace while everyone else around us moved up to bouting level. It's been great to have something to talk to who knows how you feel with all the high's and low's of the sport. I'm proud as punch of her scrimmage achievement, I'm hoping we get to scrimmage with each other at least twice this year :) There's no one I want to see get to bouting level more than her.

The list.

Some leagues are already back at training, my league is back to training next week. Another year full of hopes, dreams and anticipation. I won't lie I did enjoy the break but now I'm looking forward to getting back into derby training. During the break I put together a list of goals I'm striving to achieve this year. I haven't put dates next to each goal because I have to bear in mind my knees and ankles and the fact that they can go at any moment so it's more of a list of things I'd love to achieve this year. Here's my list:

There probably isn't too many surprises in there but they're my goals I'd love to achieve this year, plus it gives me something to work towards.

I had my first skate for the year last Saturday when I went up to the Newy social skate. I hit the ground running with no hesitance, it was like I hadn't stopped skating which was a welcome relief instead of being filled with nerves when I get back on skates after a long period of being off skates. It was good catching up with some friend's who I hadn't seen in a while. I had a discussion with some of them on how you would try and stop certain skaters on the track like Jilla. I got told what to do and what NOT to do but it's a whole different thing trying to implement it on the track!

I worked on my form, backwards skating and transitions and I was pretty happy with how I went. Lightning Strike'her was up there skating too and while we were chatting we got onto blocking practise. I told her my technique was bad and now that I was about to start scrimmaging I was hoping to fix it up. She kindly offered to let me block her. She was a great help and both her and Cass pointed out what I needed to work on. My problem is I've been able to use my body to hold my ground against people who are about my level. Instead of getting my foot in front of them I tend to stand side by side and push them out of the way. Problem is when I come up against someone like Cherry's level she gets the best of me everytime if I don't get my foot in front of her when I'm trying to block her. Another thing I go in with my head when I lay a block on, I might not make contact with them but still it's bad form and I'm more than likely going to get pulled up for blocking with the head. My blocking technique is something I really need to work on.

My knee has done its best rice bubbles impersonation of snap,crackle and pop. I can't take a knee and if I try and squat or go for a run I get really bad shooting pains running through it. I've strapped it to the shithouse, it's helped a bit in that it's restricted my movement a little so it's not hurting as much. After having my first proper derby preseason this wasn't how I was hoping to start my derby year. Instead of looking forward to training next week I'll more than likely be heading back to the physio's table. Sure it's easy to go offf and cry about it but at the end of the day this is the situation I find myself in. I don't think I've ever fought as hard for anything as I have to realise this derby dream of mine. I suppose bouting with my team mates and taking on the likes of NRDL might not be a big deal in the grand scheme of things but I want to do this so even if I have to get on the track with crutches that's what I'll do.

Fat girl can't jump

There's 30 seconds left on the clock. Newy's Dockyard Dames hold a two point lead over my side the Camokazis. The noise levels come from the crowd in massive waves that it threatens to knock me off me feet that I almost miss hearing the whistle being blown to start off the final jam. Both sides don't want to lose so they plug up any gaps on the track that the opposition might try to exploit. Suddenly there's a little gap and I force my way through to form a wall with Atomic Cherry and CrackHerJac to try and stop DangerAss who can punish any opposing side in the blink of an eye from getting past our wall. Suddenly I look up and come face to face with a grinning, backwards blocking GodJilla who would love nothing more than to send me flying on my arse for what feels like the 20th time that night. Fuck...

The above scenario won't be happening this year but I'm certainly a step closer this year than I was last year to realising that dream. I get my first proper taste of scrimmage this year. If I continue to work hard and make further improvements I may just be bouting intraleague this year. How exciting!!!!

Sometimes you have to go backwards to move forwards. As 2012 drew to a close I spent a lot of time reflecting on the year, what worked, what didn't work, what state was I in physically and mentally at the end of the year, what were my goals for 2013 and what would I need to do to push on and achieve those goals?

Personally 2012 ended in somewhat funny fashion. I achieved my goal of moving up to scrimmage level which means I'm only one level away from bouting level. After being on such a high from that I did have a slight setback with my right knee which meant I was off skates for a couple of weeks but for once I wasn't too distraught because I had finally not held back and was really giving it my all at training and making lots of improvements up to that point so I knew I was able to continue at that level when I got back on skates.

While I was off skates I did some rehab work on my knee by hitting the local pools and doing walking laps in the pool which did help but then it all went wrong. While I was minding my own business I was getting picked on about my weight by some members of the swimming group in the other swimming lanes. It stung me and took me a while to stop feeling so shite. It made me think does this happen on the derby track? Are there people who are intentionally nasty to other skaters to try and put them off? There's a difference between being a smartarse and having a laugh and being a gobshite. I would never taunt anyone on or off the track I'd rather let my actions do the talking. At the same time I know I need to develop a thicker skin because I don't want to lose it during a bout and let my team mates down if someone does decide to be an arsehole.

With the stakes raised this year and lots to work towards I wanted to prepare myself as much as possible before training resumed. First up I had a proper rest. After another crazily busy year, I put my feet up and caught up on some TV series and just relaxed, and gave my busted knees and ankles a chance to recover. It probably wasn't the most productive start to my off-season but I really don't want to have an injury ravaged third season in a row. It feels as though the rest did a load of good so I was able to move onto the next target on my list.

Along with fitness I really wanted to target my footwork and upper body strength in the off season. I'm very slow on my feet, I move like I'm wearing concrete shoes and my upper body is weak as piss. I know the importance of all three things for derby but I realised ever since I started derby I've been so focussed on just doing direct derby related stuff to try and improve that I've probably limited myself. There's so many sports out there where you can cross over certain skills and exercises that would no doubt help with derby.

First up I've started running with the couch to 5km podcast (when I say run, most people would probably walk past me). It's good for my cardio and legs. Next up I've started proper boxing classes (I'm the only girl in the class). Out of all the sports I've ever tried this is the most complete one I've tried. You work your upper body and there's a focus on fast footwork not to mention the cardio workout so it ticks all my boxes. I plan to immerse myself in the boxing training but I don't think I'll ever competitively fight. The risk of brain injuries down the road and the fact that I don't like to knowingly hurt someone pretty much rules it out.

I've had to modify some of my training on the advice of my trainer so jumping with a skipping rope and jump squats were ruled out because of my knee. Derby training will be resuming soon and for the first year ever I'm going into the season with a bit more belief and confidence. I'm happy that I've been active this past month and there's a Newy social skate tthis Saturday so I can give my knees and ankles a good test. If I stick with the training and hard work who knows maybe this time next year I'll be talking about how my hopes for the year include bouting against NRDL ;) 

Stepping out from the shadows

No surprise I've been on such a high after last week's good news and it has been nice to feel as though I've accomplished something with derby instead of trying to organise another physio appointment. It's all well and good to enjoy the moment but it also helps bring you back to reality. Moving up to scrimmage level means I get to be annihilated by the big kids now while I try to find my feet, the training gets a lot harder, I train an extra hour each week and I'm one level away from bouting intraleague. Basically the hard work starts now :)

For me the biggest battle up to now was all mental which resulted in my shocking injury record since I started derby January last year. I went into each training session fearing I'd pick up another injury that it's no surprise that I kept picking up injuries from all the tension. I didn't want others to think I was soft and couldn't hack it so more often than not I'd train injured which only made the injuries worse and drag on. By not having any faith in my body holding up I was too scared to try more advanced skills so that all I was really doing was just skating. This year I did a lot of work away from the derby track to try and get my head right so that this vicious cycle wouldn't continue. I think the results are starting to show now because I've now managed to have six straight training sessions without any pain in my knees or ankles which is a record for me. From that I had the training session with Newy which allowed me to start training with a bit more confidence for the first time ever. The training has certainly stepped up and asking a lot more of me but I've never smiled as much as I have at training. I'm having fun! I'm not an awesome skater but I'm surprising myself by attempting skills that I thought I'd never be able to cope with.

Now that I'm in a better head space the focus needs to shift to the physical aspect of the sport. While derby doesn't require every skater to be a size 8, it's still a sport which requires one to think like an athlete especially at bouting level. With the new WFTDA rules about to come in which is shifting towards faster derby, fitness will certainly play a large part in both scrimmage and bouting levels. I've already set the wheels in motion with the amazing derby family in MFP which has kept me focussed on my goals. The extra exercise I've been doing has allowed me to fall in love with exercise again after we fell apart for a few years so I'm being more active now.

I've got a hard arse trainer in the form of Suzie who has been very patient with me after all the injuries I've had and ended up wrecking her training plans :) She's been a great help with strengthening my legs which has no doubt added to my current non-injury period. When she found out I'd moved up to scrimmage level she asked me what sort of stuff I'd be doing for derby training now and then started planning exercises and strengthening work around my answers to put me in an even better position on the track. Thanks Suzie :)

While working on transtions on the concrete in the backyard I started to attempt jumps and toe stop runs on the grass and I was able to do both of them so much better. Granted I had the advantage of doing them on grass but the main benefit was getting used to the feeling of doing them and getting the confidence to do them on the track. Whenever I'm on skates in the backyard I'm always under the watchful eye of Bruno and he doesn't move the entire time there. He's probably thinking 'humans are weird' ;) 

If you want to be the best skater you can be you should try and learn from one of the best in the business so I asked Cherry if she'd be a mentor for me. She's helped me a lot in the past at Skatel, training and off skates and thankfully she said yes :) I've even asked Jacqui to help me out (another awesome skater in our ranks). If that wasn't enough I even asked the queen of backwards blocking Jilla for some tips because I want to try and start tackling backwards blocking. I'm getting a lot of help from so many people which I'm thankful for because it is having a positive effect on me and my skating.

One issue which I've really needed to address is my hero worship. My fav three Brig, Cherry and Jilla are without doubt AMAZING skaters and had the biggest impact on the skater I want to be. My problem is (and through no fault of their own) I put them on a such a high pedestal. I know they're human like you and me but I let my fangirl side take control. In the last month or so while I've tried to move from spectator to skater it's finally sunken in that if I continue to work hard and pass the last two levels that one day I'll deserve to be on the track with them and there won't be that be that untouchable divide that I've put in my head. Of course with their experience they'll snap me in two but I'll get the opportunity to try and return the favour ;) Don't get me wrong I'll still always be a fangirl of the three it's just in healthier doses nowadays :)

Right now the thought of bouting isn't even a thought in my mind right now. There is so much work to do before I can even realistically think about it. That doesn't mean that there isn't some awesome goals and challenges along the way to keep me on my toes! Just getting used to scrimmaging is a big deal and it'll take a while. If all goes according to plan hopefully some of the Newy guys will come down to scrimmage with us next year, as if that isn't motivation to work my arse off between now and then! Also, once I find my feet with scrimmaging I'm hoping that maybe Cherry and I can go up and scrimmage with the Newy guys one night. That would be another dah-bee dream come true for me! 

The past month has had such a such a positive flow on effect on me. I'm in a happy place right now, I really look forward to training and for the first time ever I'm going into training with confidence. With each passing training session I feel as if the real me is starting to come out. Say what?

I love roller derby, I really do but it's not my first love. That belongs to Liverpool Football Club and has so for the last 23+ years. Sport has had a major effect on my life and it's one of the few areas in my life where I don't hold back, I step out of my shell. Now that I'm feeling more comfortable with derby I feel as though I can start to step out my shell. Away from the sporting fields you're usually lucky to get two words out of me not because I'm a snob, I'm just really shy. Whenever I've played football (soccer) once I step over the white line it's game on. I get stuck in, I'll yell out instructions, I'll organise my team mates, if we're losing I'll pick up my team mates, even if we're losing on the score board I always believe we can win and don't give up. I'm competitive as hell, I get the shit's if I lose a game of uno :) That's the side I'm going to start to bring out in derby. It's probably a completely different side to how most derby people know me by. Fear not I won't start to slide tackle opposing skaters ;)

I once got told by someone that I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, I wear my body on my sleeve and they're probably right. I have no poker face, I blush easily and there's no mistaking my passion for sports. I'm one of those people that lives every hit, every move, every up and down moment. I thought I should just warn you guys so that no one is shocked by my actions on the track ;) I won't be pulling off my shirt and twirling it around in the air but don't be surprised if at the end of my first bout win,lose or draw I do something like a massive knee slide in happiness that I finally got to the point of bouting. Here's a sneak peek of what sort of behaviour to expect from me from the players and supporters alike. Worried yet? ;)

Walk on...

WARNING: It's been a crazy few weeks so if this post is incoherent I apologise in advance!

Although I was shit scared for most of the training session with Newy a few weeks ago because I was way outside my comfort zone it had a real big positive effect on me the last few weeks training with my league. For starters I wasn't holding back in training, I was giving everything a go. That resulted in me getting a compliment from Poz during a jumping drill on Sunday :) I had a new found determination to try and make it to scrimmage level no matter how long it took me. Taking my friend Cass' advice of practising transitions and backwards skating whenever I could, whenever we had a drink break at training I'd quickly drink then practise both transitions and backwards skating until we started the next drill.

We did 20 minute endurance on both the Friday and Sunday nights and I managed to improve by 6 laps on Sunday's attempt mainly thanks to Jac who was showing me the cat's eye or whatever it's called when it comes to skating laps correctly. Around the bends I'd always slide out wide instead of sticking to the inside time which wasted valuable time. I'm currently at 76 laps in 20 minutes, I need to be able to crack 100 laps in 20 minutes so lots of work to do to get to that magic 100 laps mark. Challenge accepted :)

Instead of ignoring things that I suck at and never improving I've started keeping a derby journal of sorts. After each training session I take note of endurance laps (if we do it) so that I can track my improvements and list anything I struggled with so I know to work on it in my own time. I'm determined to move from just being a spectator to becoming a skater.

The Smashleys vs WSR bout last weekend was freaking amazing. With Newy branching out to three home teams next year there was a real possibility that this might be the last time I saw Jilla and Brig as Smashleys depending on how the home teams are set out next year. I started off as a Smashleys fan because Jilla was on the team but if neither of them are Smashleys next year I'll be cheering and cursing them while hoping their teams lose when they play the Smashleys :) The Smashleys might not win many bouts but they were flying out of the blocks against WSR and were never in any real danger of losing. Both sides love the physical aspect of the game so there was no shortage of earth shattering blocks.

The Smashleys were playing with fluidity and as one unit. Jilla would block from the back of the pack and if the WSR jammer got past her they were met by Quirky at the front of the pack which allowed Jilla to get infront of them so the jammer had bugger all chance of scoring. It was the reset drill played to perfection. I must have been a bit on the loud side with the cheering because at one stage the lady who was sitting in front of me turned around and smiled when I cheered on Brig as she got lead jammer in one jam, oops! Susy Pow played her last bout for Newcastle and she left nothing in her tank, she caught me by surprise with her blocking, I'm more used to seeing her jam. I think the biggest cheer of the night came in the very last jam when Jilla lined up on the jammer line. She was on a power jam and managed to score a 7-0 jam. For me the funniest thing was seeing her monster her way through the pack. This was running through my head while she was jamming!

    

It made me think how much I'd love to see a HARD vs Smashleys bout (to go along with my HARD vs NRDL dream!). Make it happen please derby gods!

Monday night will go down as one of the most strangest night's in my life. I was about to start working on this post when I got a message from Cherry. She said the assessment results were in and that the training committee had passed me so that I'd move up to Corporal level 2 which meant I was allowed to start scrimmaging. Instead of going ape shit with excitement I stared at the computer screen re-reading the message for the next ten minutes with crickets chirping outside in the background. I felt like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone and wasn't believing what I was reading.

My response to Cherry was probably the last thing she was expecting, I literally responded with 'What the hell? Are you serious?' I went to bed shocked and still not believing it. Next morning I got up and the post was still there and that's when the flood gates opened. It felt as though I'd consumed a carton Red Bull I was on such a high the entire day at work. I couldn't believe it after all the injuries and setbacks that I've had these last two years I was finally at scrimmage level!!! GET IN!!!!!! It made the news all the more sweeter that I found it difficult to control my excitement on Facebook hehe. After experiencing so many lows for so long I took the day just to enjoy the experience of feeling pure happiness with derby. Do I appreciate it more because of all the difficulties I had along the way? Who knows. I did savour the moment as though I had just won a grand final. God knows I took my sweet time getting to this level. I don't think I'll be scrimmaging right away. Cherry's worried about all my previous injury problems so I'll more than likely eased into it. After waiting this long, I don't mind waiting a bit longer because the last thing I want to do is injure myself right away because I imagine it's a whole different thing doing scrimmage based drills and actually doing scrimmage.

The response I got when I posted the good news on Facebook blew me away, I can't believe the support I got from so many people. I wouldn't be here without a lot of help and support along the way. The likes of Cherry, Jac, Punkie, Posh, Cheya etc helped me so much at training. I'm just greatful that my league stuck by me and had so much patience with me. I want to re-pay them with interest on the track one day.

Although I'm not a member of their league I want to also thank the Newy guys, especially Cass. I've got the 'Newcastle effect' when it comes to them. It started last September when I went up for a social skate and Cass showed me some techniques for crossovers. I ended up passing my fresh meat test the next night after my second attempt at it. Their outdoor skate-a-thon helped tackle my fear of outdoor skating. Then there was the training session with them a few weeks ago that triggered something in me and from that I passed to move up to scrimmage level. I reckon if I got to train with them when they do blocking practise I'll probably turn into an awesome blocker ;)

I've had such a love/hate relationship with derby from when I started to now and there's been times where I really started to doubt whether I'd even get to this stage let alone bout. The biggest thing I learnt in that time is that if you really want it, you'll keep fighting for it even when some people (and even yourself) tell you that it might be time to hang up the skates. Keep strapping, listen to the physio, listen to your body. If it gets harder to pick yourself up physically and mentally after a setback it's ok to get a little help from your team mates and friend's. That feeling you experience when you finally achieve something that you've fought so long for, it really is the best feeling in the world. No one can take that away from you. It makes all the setbacks, tears and frustrations along the way worth it all in the end :) I know everyone is starting to wind down for the year derby wise but I don't want the year to end! Lots of skating on my own during the break I think!